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Everything is fucked up as usual.

Talk, talk.

Dour faces radiate gloom,

They can see their reflection in the red solo cup.

Wearing loneliness like a bandana,

They perfect naked dances under strobe light.

Shattered expectations mingle with poor grades,

Minds over schooled and under used.

A generation of cheap liquor and missed due dates.

 

Everything is fucked up as usual,

Topics of conversations gone delusional.

Dour faces radiate gloom,

Half filled red solo cups in bloom.

I’m in the kitchen fixing up a remedy,

Lying on the counter dreaming of sobriety.

We perfect naked dances under strobe light,

Our trite ritual sharing our shattered dream-delight.

Minds over schooled and under used,

A stagnant rebellion void of movement brewed.

 

Everything’s fucked up and delusional,

Grades that chain become institutional.

Girl in the black tights,

Wasted somber nights.

Sharing the lonely dark as usual

Version 1:

The cows stand

under the trees in the wet grass,

lifting their necks

to pull leaves down.

We slow the truck,

pull over to the side of the road

to watch them.

How graceful they look, how

unlike themselves.

We get out and

lean on the fence.

The cows don’t

seem to notice

we are there.

Version 2.

The cows stand under the trees in the wet grass,

lifting their necks to pull leaves down.

We slow the truck, pull over to the side of the road and watch them.

How graceful they look, how unlike themselves.

We get out and lean on the fence.

The cows don’t seem to notice we are there.

Version 3.

The cows stand

under the trees in the wet grass,

lifting their necks to

pull leaves down.

We slow the truck,

pull over

to the side of the road to watch them. How graceful

they look, how unlike themselves.

We get out

and lean on the fence.

The cows don’t seem to notice  we are there.

 

In version one the poem becomes choppy and contrasts the poem in rhythm. When you think of pulling over to view cows it seems like a peaceful subtle experience but chopping up the lines brings emphases to certain lines. For example unlike themselves and we are there become the most impactful lines and where the meaning is most drawn from.

In version 2 the flow of the poem matches the content. It makes the imagery of the cows more of the focus. Instead of emphasizing any words it emphasizes the entirety of the moment when viewing the cows. This best captures the mood of the poem.

In version 3 the actions are highlighted rather than particular words. This gives the poem a feeling of momentum since each action marks its own line.

Simile experiment

eyes meet like a reflection in a mirror,

lips curve like a horseshoe.

His pace quickens as If the breeze was carrying him,

Her direction changes like a leaf in the wind.

his face stalls like a rusty engine,

head hung like a captured pirate.

he notes this in his mind like a checklist and carries on.

 

Eyes meet like hooks,

lips curve like a graph.

his pace quickens like a skidding pebble,

her direction changes like an exit on a highway.

his face stalls like traffic,

head hung like an escapee.

this remains in his mind like residue

The next thing always belongs

“Forgive Me Father for I have sinned”

squeaking pews penetrate my consolation,

as cracked hands fumble the Lords prayer.

Our eyes remain locked to validate trust,

his legs intertwine like a crooked cross.

hands rise to bless me, revealing bone,

who knew we all had something to conceal?

scary how our adherence to offend puts us in danger.

I want possession of the future,

to store the remaining seconds away from harm,

Like a squirrel  gathering nuts.

Latex covers this world,

Delusion negating the urge life has to bang us with reality,

and if reality remains the necessity to bang,

Then we all have nothing to hide.

When will we be reborn?

a fresh coat of paint covering a rusty engine,

and hear mothers voice disfigured in the breeze,

while a blanket of innocence preserves my ignorance.

I can’t stop the earths orbit,

or inhale the galaxy into my lungs.

Though I’m left breathless and lost by Planes, Trains, and cars,

I hope they don’t find Amelia

So she can avoid the stress.

They won’t find Amelia.

Taste: Bitter, cinnamon, salty, Unami, acrid, creamy, crisp, earthy, fresh, malty, hot, mushy, tangy, lemony, harsh

touch: metallic, rusty, edgy, rubber, mushy, slick, ragged, thorny, waterlogged, wrinkled, moist, indented, hairy, grimy, fragile

smell: musty, nauseating, floral, faint, wispy, sweaty, putrid, skunky, minty, rotten, loamy, pine, mildewed, rancid, sweet

Hearing: crackling, purrs, clatters, drips, screeches, complaining, pitter patter, clicks, gulp, crunching, static, whistle of wind, tapping of tree branch on window, barking,

sight: gloomy, florescent, shadow, bright, barren, abundance, scarce, hellish, golden, transparent, invisible, delighted, perky, lifeless, doomed

Action: haste, there, still, scramble, motion, locomotive, propose, signal. wave, cue

abstractions: bravery, Envy, tolerant

Anything else: self-control, sand, depth, Caribbean,lurking, cellar, simple, transcendent, yesterday, simplistic